I am at work today!!.. I leave this afternoon for my post op appointment. I am still trying to process all that I have been through. I have a lot of decisions to make. I know when the MD did my surgery that she said that she believes we were dealing with a placenta accreta due to her having such difficulty removing the placenta during the D and C. I have researched this quite a bit, and it can be very dangerous if not recognized early in a pregnancy. I could have carried the baby to full term and had a massive hemorrhage after delivery, and the accreta not be recognized until then.
My questions are, how at risk will I be next time to get an accreta? Is it worth me going through the trouble of trying again if there is a risk? I mean I have 2 perfectly healthy children and a wonderful husband. Am I being greedy? I mean I could accept the fact that I have a baby in heaven waiting on me, and process it, deal with it, and move forward with our lives.
If you would have told me that I would be going through this 4 months ago, I would have told you NO. My main worry then was trying to keep fluids down so I wouldn't have to be readmitted for dehydration. I feel like I worked too hard to stay pregnant, that I endured so much to make myself work for the baby. I am really actually grieving the loss of my child. I never knew a miscarriage could have such an effect on me. I am doing better, but it isn't too far from my mind. I am not in a depressive state, but do long to hold my child. I know I have 2 precious children at home, and I love on them and thank the Lord they are healthy.
I feel it is almost time to lay this behind me and move forward. I cannot let it paralyze me anymore. We are approaching Thanksgiving and Christmas, so I am going to throw my energy into preparing for those. I have got to learn to trust the Lord in all things. I have to. I love what my new MD said to me..."Lindsey, if you feel in your Spirit that you are suppose have another child, don't get discouraged, it will happen. Listen to the Holy Spirit.."...I know that she was sent to me for such a time as this. I just have to readjust. I just don't want to take away from the family I already have. So today I will ask questions, and hopefully get answers. I will take the time over the holidays to regroup. It is perfect timing because normal cycles don't resume until 4-6 weeks after D and C's. So that is great....New Year's resolution...to have a baby!!!...maybe..LOL...
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