I just Love how God works in his way. I have to say that I feel so blessed to be apart of our church. During Wednesday Bible Study our precious Pastor's wife taught on Elijah, the praying prophet. It was an awesome lesson. She was bringing out the point that Elijah did exactly what God told him..He made a proclamation to the King, that there would be no rain. After he was obedient, the Lord led him to solitude to be fed by the brook by a raven. After awhile, the brook dried up. You know, she really brought out that even when we are completely obedient, we can be led into times of darkness. What I mean, we are led through trials...and it is in these times that God develops us.
I have had a really heavy heart the past couple of days, and I hold onto these truths. I am doing it again, I am wearing my mask. If only people could see my heart, it is BROKEN. I miss my baby, and I want to hold him. I think about him everyday, and I want to know him. I know I can't change it, and I know all things happen for a reason. I just decided to take my mask off for awhile and be real. I think my triggers this time are, there are several people who were just a few weeks behind me in pregnancy...Well, they have had their babies...NO PROBLEMS...healthy precious gifts. I am not at all envious, but my heart aches for my baby, my son. I have made Selah's song "Unredeemed",my official song. I know God loves me, and he has me in his arms..He knows my pain, and will make all things new. I know this, but walking through the pain is necessary in this life. I am not stopping, just walking.
Lloyd and I are on the horizon of something wonderful at our church. New beginnings are around the corner...I will take what life has handed me, put it in my backpack, and continue marching on..marching on this journey of faith....What the enemy intended for evil...God will make good...it will be used for his glory...I hold to that...I place it inside my heart..to know I serve a faithful father is all I need to know. I have a Father that walks with me when I hide my tears, my tears of pain...I may wipe them away to hide, but he sees them all. He loves me with an unending love!!!! I am being developed, in the dark..:)
