Well, I haven't posted in a week because I have had NO time to sit down. We have been running, running and more running. My rugrats have kept me busy. Last Monday, my son had basketball practice, then Tuesday he had to sing at the Read House (a very beautiful hotel) with his school choir, Wednesday was church, Thursday he had a basketball game, Friday I had to speak and attend ourLadies Christmas Party at church, Saturday was my weight watchers weigh in and my son had another basketball game, and Sunday was church in the morning, my sister's birthday party all day, and then back to church that night. I am also working 37.5 hours a week in the middle of all of that.
I am very proud to say I lost 2lbs my first week back to weight watchers. I feel very accomplished because we had 2 goodie days at work. When I say goodie days, I mean 2 long tables put together FULL of everything you could imagine of holiday food. Then, I had a party Friday night that was full of goodies there as well. I go to weight watchers on Saturdays, so we will see how I did this week.
I do enjoy being busy during this time of year, but sometimes it becomes completely overwhelming. I have had to spend a lot of time in prayer to keep my attitude joyous because if not, the stress can take over. I do feel so much better since I have changed my diet and I have been exercising 5-6 days a week 30-40 each time. I am doing my best to let go of the past, and look to the future. I feel like as I lose weight my past is melting away, and I am making a much healthier home for my next little one.
I am continuing on the low dose birth control, and it has seemed to help tremendously. I am relieved that I have a break, and I don't have to worry about trying for a "baby" again for a little while. I am able to get myself together, and be ready and whole the next time. My heart still yearns for another one, but I know it will happen in due time. I need to get myself back before I can house another life. I want to be completely whole, physically, emotionally, and spiritually before we proceed. I do have scars on my heart pertaining to this last incident. I lost my faith in the medical system, in which I am apart of. I know mistakes can happen, but unmentioned things were handled very flippantly. I just have to pray everyday that God gives me the strength to heal more and more as time goes on.
You know for some reason my heart aches for another son. I am not sure why. I absolutely adore my two I have. My daughter is an absolute JOY to have. My son is also a JOY. I think the reason why my heart yearns for another son is because I really believe with everything that I have that baby we lost was a boy. When I look at my son now, I wonder would his brother have looked like him, acted (OH MY!!!) like him, or played ball like him? It can be very consuming at times, but I allow myself to go there as I need to. God is still Good and faithful even through the roughest of times.
WEll, I will keep posting as I have the time. Merry Christmas to all who read!!!
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