Along the Road to Surrender, I have found myself in the most sacred place of all, the prayer closet. I love to know that I can go to a place, hide and spend time with the Lord. When the waves of life's storms hit or I am celebrating life's victories, I can hide in the cleft of the "rock" of the Almighty God. I can visit the secret place of the Most High, and he welcomes me. It is a necessary staple in a Christian's life to hide in him, and to seek his face.
To know that when my Savior died, the veil was torn, and I can enter in without reservation. I will be going about my day, and I can feel that tug in my heart "Come away with me"....he desires for me to be in his presence. I know that I can go in, and fall at his feet, and worship him. It is time for me to lavish my praises on him for all he has done in my life, and just to love him.
I go in with no agenda, but to worship and adore him. I have found myself in deeper worship because all the "cares" of life have been surrendered at his feet. It is much easier to worship freely when the weights are removed, and there is freedom.
A battle is being fought when I enter the prayer closet. I have spent time in prayer, and felt like every demon in hell was being battled against. I love to see in the spiritual world, and sometimes the Lord allows me to see a glimpse of what is being done in a place where my human eyes cannot see. As I pray, I know that I am not praying to a dead God, but one who is living, breathing, and is working on my behalf.
My prayer life has taken a pivotal turn in the past few months, I no longer go in belting out my requests, but I have found a place of solitude where I can just sit in his presence. I can cry to him and worship him. He is the one who knows my every move and heart's desire. He understands me because he created me. The relationship that is birthed through prayer is unimaginable, and I would not minimize the need of prayer....the need turns into a desire to be in his presence.
I have complete understanding of the hour in which we live. If God's people are going to do anything for him, then it is a necessity that we seek his face. WE must understand what he is calling us to do. We have to hunger for his presence and his power. He is a God of motion, we must keep moving and searching for his will. He wants nothing more than to breathe fresh life on the church world of today, but we must seek after him. We must become as one with him, so when he steps we step. He is the leader, and we are the followers. NO more empty demands from the church, but open vessels for him to use for HIS glory. NO more moving ahead when he hasn't given the okay to do so. NO more hidden selfish agendas.....It must be in unison......
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
The Waiting Process
Gosh, where do I start??? Welp, one thing for sure is I don't wait very well.....I am the type of person, shoot it to me straight, and I will deal with it. I cannot stand to not know what is going on. Impatience steals so much valuable time, but still I struggle with it. God always has the big picture in view, and I don't. It is like a pregnancy....conception is instant, but things have to line up, grow, mature before it can be birthed.
At times, I feel like I have carried a spiritual baby for 900 billion years, and I am ready to birth this baby. God has been so good to me for so many years, and has always been faithful. Why would he change now? The test is, will I trust him no matter what? Will I trust him if things go completely opposite to the way I thought? I can say, absolutely. Will it be easy, nope....but following Christ isn't always easy.
I love what my precious friend, Ann, says "Disappointments turn into Divine appointments." Boy, I know God has turned many of my disappointments into Divine appointments. It is me, who turns into the impatient one, becoming all self centered. The only thing that matters is the betterment of his kingdom, and nothing about me!! It is not for our egos or for rank, but to see people's lives changed.
Sometimes a gentle reminder is needed on occasion....and as long as I am obedient to the reminder, it will all be okay. God is a big God, with big plans. I just cannot see them.....and that is what I struggle with. I like to drive from the passenger seat.....ask Lloyd:)
At times, I feel like I have carried a spiritual baby for 900 billion years, and I am ready to birth this baby. God has been so good to me for so many years, and has always been faithful. Why would he change now? The test is, will I trust him no matter what? Will I trust him if things go completely opposite to the way I thought? I can say, absolutely. Will it be easy, nope....but following Christ isn't always easy.
I love what my precious friend, Ann, says "Disappointments turn into Divine appointments." Boy, I know God has turned many of my disappointments into Divine appointments. It is me, who turns into the impatient one, becoming all self centered. The only thing that matters is the betterment of his kingdom, and nothing about me!! It is not for our egos or for rank, but to see people's lives changed.
Sometimes a gentle reminder is needed on occasion....and as long as I am obedient to the reminder, it will all be okay. God is a big God, with big plans. I just cannot see them.....and that is what I struggle with. I like to drive from the passenger seat.....ask Lloyd:)
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Empty vessels....
I have really been seeking the Lord for direction for our lives. I have felt such a transition in my Spirit, and the theme of my heart is......My vessel is empty, Lord use me. I have poured all of "my" hopes and dreams on the altar, and I have surrendered it all. I don't think I have ever been this empty...Not empty in a negative sense, but empty of all things that prevent me from being who God has called me to be. I
It is such a liberating thing to know that I can completely empty myself on the altar, but it is not a total loss....it is complete victory. It use to be such a challenge,for me, to give my self over to the Lord, due to fear. I have always been one who has had to be in complete control because I had to be from day 1. I have been a survivor, and defended and protected myself. It is a wall that I have slowly let down, and instead of a survivor, I am a victor.........
The shift in my Spirit, feels like I finally have wings to fly. I have been in training for 8 years of ministry, and had many false starts. The freedom from the Lord has been so awesome the last several weeks, and the time I have been pondering in my heart has arrived. I had a running joke, that I am the "career ponderer"....Many questions at times..."When God? Where God? How God?".........I no longer have those questions....it doesn't matter. I am empty, and ready to be used for his glory, no matter how, when, where, what...I am all his, like clay in the potter's hand. I have spent time in this journey watching other "ministers" speed by, while I was being instructed to sit and wait. Many times I would question the Lord..." Why does it seem like they are moving ahead, I am called too..What about me? What am I doing wrong?"
As we sit on the horizon, of a possible life changing experience....I have no fear....if it is God, it is...If not, there will be a door. I no longer seek the opportunities, they seek me everyday that I am a child of God. I am upward focused, and all the things will be added as he sees fit. There is nothing like having the wind blow under your wings....such freedom... to be flying high...knowing that all things are taken care of, and what I get to do is worship and serve the Love of my life. What more could be greater? That in and of itself is freedom.......
It is such a liberating thing to know that I can completely empty myself on the altar, but it is not a total loss....it is complete victory. It use to be such a challenge,for me, to give my self over to the Lord, due to fear. I have always been one who has had to be in complete control because I had to be from day 1. I have been a survivor, and defended and protected myself. It is a wall that I have slowly let down, and instead of a survivor, I am a victor.........
The shift in my Spirit, feels like I finally have wings to fly. I have been in training for 8 years of ministry, and had many false starts. The freedom from the Lord has been so awesome the last several weeks, and the time I have been pondering in my heart has arrived. I had a running joke, that I am the "career ponderer"....Many questions at times..."When God? Where God? How God?".........I no longer have those questions....it doesn't matter. I am empty, and ready to be used for his glory, no matter how, when, where, what...I am all his, like clay in the potter's hand. I have spent time in this journey watching other "ministers" speed by, while I was being instructed to sit and wait. Many times I would question the Lord..." Why does it seem like they are moving ahead, I am called too..What about me? What am I doing wrong?"
As we sit on the horizon, of a possible life changing experience....I have no fear....if it is God, it is...If not, there will be a door. I no longer seek the opportunities, they seek me everyday that I am a child of God. I am upward focused, and all the things will be added as he sees fit. There is nothing like having the wind blow under your wings....such freedom... to be flying high...knowing that all things are taken care of, and what I get to do is worship and serve the Love of my life. What more could be greater? That in and of itself is freedom.......
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
THE PREPARATION PROCESS
Well, we are preparing to go Jesup, Ga next weekend. I have been on a million websites looking for portable DVD players for our kids. Should I get dual screen or single? Crazy, is what I call it. I have about a million emotions at once going on inside me. It is almost like I am walking in a fog. It is a feeling of anticipation, which is wonderful. I haven' t had butterflies in my stomach in a long time, but I do now. I have two mindsets......One is so excited to see what God has in store for us, and that this could possibly be one of the most life changing things we have ever done...Two is...Have I built myself up to be let down?I have prayed for so long that God would open a door for us as a family. I am bracing myself for either. I know God has a plan and purpose for us, and if this is not it, it is okay. I have a feeling about this that I haven't had about any other, but he is the master planner.
In looking back, I know that a few years ago, we couldn't make such an incredible move. We weren't mature enough, nor on the same page. The most awesome things have transpired over the last two years. Lloyd and I have such a bond that is so strong that we will be able to endure anything together, and we are walking in unison. Not that we didn't love one another, but we were in a church where they didn't recognize him as part of "my" ministry (It has never been mine, but God's) . He was so beaten down, and felt worthless, and that for a man is NOT a good thing. He had no ownership in anything. We have been at our current church for 2 years, and he has really blossomed as a man of God. He understands that he is as much a part of this as I am. He often says "I am not like you, and I can't preach like you..." It doesn't matter, he can give what I can't. We compliment each other. He pulls me out of the clouds sometimes. I am absent minded, and I lose anything that is not attached (I would lose my head, if it weren't attached). I am the faith stepper, and he is the cautious one. He is so smart with money, and our bills. We have accomplished a lot since day one. I look back now, and God was also preparing him........now we are stepping together, and it is time to step out.
I have never stepped into a phase of my life, such as this. I thank God for precious people that he has put in our lives. I have gained many "soul mate" friends that I may have to leave behind, but Thank God for Verizon, Facebook and Myspace. I am not sad about entering into the next phase, God has been preparing me for years........and I am READY... I am ready to be the Woman of God that he has called me to be. I hold so many things that God has spoken in my heart that I ponder everyday.......It is our secret, and it will be wonderful......I love the following verses and cling to them all.....
Jeremiah 1:4-10....4Then the word of the Lord came to me [Jeremiah], saying,
5Before I formed you in the womb I knew [and] approved of you [as My chosen instrument], and before you were born I separated and set you apart, consecrating you; [and] I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.(A)
6Then said I, Ah, Lord God! Behold, I cannot speak, for I am only a youth.(B)
7But the Lord said to me, Say not, I am only a youth; for you shall go to all to whom I shall send you, and whatever I command you, you shall speak.
8Be not afraid of them [their faces], for I am with you to deliver you, says the Lord.
9Then the Lord put forth His hand and touched my mouth. And the Lord said to me, Behold, I have put My words in your mouth.
10See, I have this day appointed you to the oversight of the nations and of the kingdoms to root out and pull down, to destroy and to overthrow, to build and to plant.
Jeremiah 29:11..........For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.
12Then you will call upon Me, and you will come and pray to Me, and I will hear and heed you.
13Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and require Me [as a vital necessity] and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.(A)
Luke 4:17........And there was delivered unto him the book of the prophet Esaias. And when he had opened the book, he found the place where it was written,
18The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised.
The above is my Commission from the Lord, and I am so excited about what he is doing. I am a warrior, and will accomplish all that is set before me....I am confident in that...with ALL help from him...it is possible.
Until next time!!!!!
In looking back, I know that a few years ago, we couldn't make such an incredible move. We weren't mature enough, nor on the same page. The most awesome things have transpired over the last two years. Lloyd and I have such a bond that is so strong that we will be able to endure anything together, and we are walking in unison. Not that we didn't love one another, but we were in a church where they didn't recognize him as part of "my" ministry (It has never been mine, but God's) . He was so beaten down, and felt worthless, and that for a man is NOT a good thing. He had no ownership in anything. We have been at our current church for 2 years, and he has really blossomed as a man of God. He understands that he is as much a part of this as I am. He often says "I am not like you, and I can't preach like you..." It doesn't matter, he can give what I can't. We compliment each other. He pulls me out of the clouds sometimes. I am absent minded, and I lose anything that is not attached (I would lose my head, if it weren't attached). I am the faith stepper, and he is the cautious one. He is so smart with money, and our bills. We have accomplished a lot since day one. I look back now, and God was also preparing him........now we are stepping together, and it is time to step out.
I have never stepped into a phase of my life, such as this. I thank God for precious people that he has put in our lives. I have gained many "soul mate" friends that I may have to leave behind, but Thank God for Verizon, Facebook and Myspace. I am not sad about entering into the next phase, God has been preparing me for years........and I am READY... I am ready to be the Woman of God that he has called me to be. I hold so many things that God has spoken in my heart that I ponder everyday.......It is our secret, and it will be wonderful......I love the following verses and cling to them all.....
Jeremiah 1:4-10....4Then the word of the Lord came to me [Jeremiah], saying,
5Before I formed you in the womb I knew [and] approved of you [as My chosen instrument], and before you were born I separated and set you apart, consecrating you; [and] I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.(A)
6Then said I, Ah, Lord God! Behold, I cannot speak, for I am only a youth.(B)
7But the Lord said to me, Say not, I am only a youth; for you shall go to all to whom I shall send you, and whatever I command you, you shall speak.
8Be not afraid of them [their faces], for I am with you to deliver you, says the Lord.
9Then the Lord put forth His hand and touched my mouth. And the Lord said to me, Behold, I have put My words in your mouth.
10See, I have this day appointed you to the oversight of the nations and of the kingdoms to root out and pull down, to destroy and to overthrow, to build and to plant.
Jeremiah 29:11..........For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.
12Then you will call upon Me, and you will come and pray to Me, and I will hear and heed you.
13Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and require Me [as a vital necessity] and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.(A)
Luke 4:17........And there was delivered unto him the book of the prophet Esaias. And when he had opened the book, he found the place where it was written,
18The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised.
The above is my Commission from the Lord, and I am so excited about what he is doing. I am a warrior, and will accomplish all that is set before me....I am confident in that...with ALL help from him...it is possible.
Until next time!!!!!
Monday, April 6, 2009
The journey Stop #1
Welp, I finished my resume on last Sunday March 29. I have had such an urgency in my Spirit to get it finished, and apply for Youth Pastor jobs on the Church of God website. I have been in contact with the North Georgia State Youth Director. I have been watching the website for awhile, and nothing has struck me.
I was in church that Sunday morning, and I have had such a stirring in my Spirit that change was coming quickly. I had just shared this with my friend Dawn at church that something was stirring within my inner man, to get ready for change. It is so unexplainable, but I know the voice of God. I just am so in awe with his realness, and his presence.
On Monday March 30, I saw a post for a Part-time Youth Pastor in Jesup, GA. I sent my resume that afternoon after work. I did some research on the town, and what is around it. It is 6 hours from "home". I don't know what drew me to that specific ad, but it hit me different than other ads on the job post page. I called Lloyd and told him I applied, and he wasn't too happy. He set boundaries that he only wanted Tennessee or North Georgia. I told him it couldn't hurt anything to apply. He was O-K, but still a litte apprehensive. Oh, well I thought. I sent another resume to Nauvoo, AL. It seemed like a logical choice, only 3 hours away. There is NOTHING in Tennessee. It is the whole change of life thing that he is scared of.
On Wednesday, April 1, I received an email back from the pastor at Parkway Church of God in Jesup, GA. As I was reading it, I was so overtaken with emotion because everything he is needing and wanting is exactly what my heart desires for ministry. I responded and we set up a time to talk on the phone about my vision and his vision.
On Thursday, April 2, We were able to get in touch with one another. It was so neat to hear that someone that far away shares the exact same vision. Lloyd and I sat beside one another while we were on the phone. It isn't full time to begin with, but the money is not my concern. I said when I started this journey that God will provide, we just need a little supplement to us through especially if we were going to move. While we were on the phone, something just clicked. Not completely sure, of the whole direction, but God knows. I am not really scared about the money because being a RN will help. I was able to talk with the pastor's daughter and share with her my vision of ministry, and that eased my mind a little. We have set a time to go to Jesup, GA on the weekend of April 17-19.....to interview, meet the youth, and see the town.
Since then, we (Lloyd and I) have been in daily contact with the pastor there. The funny thing is, he and his wife sound just like Lloyd and I. We are CRAZZEE....didn't know that there could be so many of us in different states..lol.
I have discussed this "possible" move with my parents, and they are NOT happy. My dad, in fact, turned into his old self when I discussed it with him. I told him I KNOW how to pray, and know how to hear from the Lord on direction. I guess he feels like I am still a baby, and I can't do it. Makes me so mad sometimes, like I am stupid.....I'm not. I have shared it with many of my prayer partners, and what will be, will be.
I have such peace about the whole thing, it is an unexplainable peace....that is God. I know God has a complete plan for our lives. The adventure has just begun, no matter the direction. I am willing to go anywhere and do anything for my Savior. He gave so much that I owe so much. I would be really surprised if it doesn't work out. I have prepared myself for all of it. I am so excited, but am level headed about how things can turn out. I am just hanging on for the will of God.
I was in church that Sunday morning, and I have had such a stirring in my Spirit that change was coming quickly. I had just shared this with my friend Dawn at church that something was stirring within my inner man, to get ready for change. It is so unexplainable, but I know the voice of God. I just am so in awe with his realness, and his presence.
On Monday March 30, I saw a post for a Part-time Youth Pastor in Jesup, GA. I sent my resume that afternoon after work. I did some research on the town, and what is around it. It is 6 hours from "home". I don't know what drew me to that specific ad, but it hit me different than other ads on the job post page. I called Lloyd and told him I applied, and he wasn't too happy. He set boundaries that he only wanted Tennessee or North Georgia. I told him it couldn't hurt anything to apply. He was O-K, but still a litte apprehensive. Oh, well I thought. I sent another resume to Nauvoo, AL. It seemed like a logical choice, only 3 hours away. There is NOTHING in Tennessee. It is the whole change of life thing that he is scared of.
On Wednesday, April 1, I received an email back from the pastor at Parkway Church of God in Jesup, GA. As I was reading it, I was so overtaken with emotion because everything he is needing and wanting is exactly what my heart desires for ministry. I responded and we set up a time to talk on the phone about my vision and his vision.
On Thursday, April 2, We were able to get in touch with one another. It was so neat to hear that someone that far away shares the exact same vision. Lloyd and I sat beside one another while we were on the phone. It isn't full time to begin with, but the money is not my concern. I said when I started this journey that God will provide, we just need a little supplement to us through especially if we were going to move. While we were on the phone, something just clicked. Not completely sure, of the whole direction, but God knows. I am not really scared about the money because being a RN will help. I was able to talk with the pastor's daughter and share with her my vision of ministry, and that eased my mind a little. We have set a time to go to Jesup, GA on the weekend of April 17-19.....to interview, meet the youth, and see the town.
Since then, we (Lloyd and I) have been in daily contact with the pastor there. The funny thing is, he and his wife sound just like Lloyd and I. We are CRAZZEE....didn't know that there could be so many of us in different states..lol.
I have discussed this "possible" move with my parents, and they are NOT happy. My dad, in fact, turned into his old self when I discussed it with him. I told him I KNOW how to pray, and know how to hear from the Lord on direction. I guess he feels like I am still a baby, and I can't do it. Makes me so mad sometimes, like I am stupid.....I'm not. I have shared it with many of my prayer partners, and what will be, will be.
I have such peace about the whole thing, it is an unexplainable peace....that is God. I know God has a complete plan for our lives. The adventure has just begun, no matter the direction. I am willing to go anywhere and do anything for my Savior. He gave so much that I owe so much. I would be really surprised if it doesn't work out. I have prepared myself for all of it. I am so excited, but am level headed about how things can turn out. I am just hanging on for the will of God.
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