Saturday, May 30, 2009
The Peace of God....
Along the Road to Surrender, there is one constant....the Peace of God. During all aspects of the journey the Peace of God never changes. He is the stillness in the midst of the storm. I have found along this road, he is the only one who understands.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
The parallel of Disappointment along the journey
Along the road to surrender I have definitely been met with the U turn of disappointment. We were offered the job as Youth Pastors after a long long road of prayer and fasting, but at the last second it was determined that it wasn't going to happen due to man's decision. I am not one to "pout" when I do not get my way with God, but Oh my, what a stab right into my heart. The real feeling of death came over me. Emotions I have never had came flooding through my heart and have been since.
I had to get away last night, just me and God, and I drove for over 2 hours while listening (on repeat) to the song "The more I seek you" by Kari Jobe. I just wanted to be with the one who understands me and whom I can really be myself around. I just really meditated on him, and really didn't have much to say. My tears said it all. I kept saying "I should be handling this better, and I am tougher than this." I began to just allow myself to grieve with no one around to tell me how to do it.
I began to ask the Lord, "Why does this hurt so badly, Lord...I was under the complete understanding that your WILL would be done, and I am okay because you are all knowing." I have faith in him completely, but I still had this great pain in the depths of my soul. As I began to pour out my heart, he began to show me in terms that I can really understand...he related to me as a woman.
He began to show it to me like this:
This whole "youth pastor" journey was a parallel to something being conceived in the spiritual realm, just like when a woman becomes pregnant with a baby in the physical realm. Imagine finding out that something you have been praying for over 8 years has happened, finally a Positive sign that life as been created. After you get the positive test, you begin celebrating the news by calling friends and family. They can't really gauge the overflowing joy because they weren't the ones in battle for years, they didn't spend the hours in the prayer closet petitioning the Lord, and most of all they aren't you.
You go along carrying the glow about you that God heard your prayers (and you knew it before it happened), you begin thinking of names, planning the room, discussing activities with your partner. Then unexpectedly, something terrible goes wrong, your "body" begins to let you know things aren't as they seem. You go to the doctor and you hear the dreaded news, "This baby is no longer alive, I am sorry." It is like a jab to innermost part of your soul, you begin to sob, because you had already made connections with this child. The death of a dream, the death of something you carried so deeply already, and God only understands the depth of it.
You then have to retreat, and tell family in friends to whom you celebrated with that the "baby" is dead." The family and friends try to offer some consolation, but sometimes their words hurt worse than help..."Well, it wasn't meant to be"....."God has a plan, and this was not part of it"...."There will be another baby one day"....Yes, all the above is true, but you say let me grieve this life first. I need to grieve the death of "this" dream.
This is what God showed me, and he has given me the okay to grieve this. I needed that time with him last night. I have come to the conclusion that he is the only true one who understands me, and I have learned through all of this that at times, it will only be me and him. I am at peace with that. I am not grieving this situation because "I did not get my way", I am grieving because I had conceived this, I had taken ownership of this, and I was ready to drop everything here, go work for his kingdom with a 100% effort, and finally do what I have been praying for.
I am not angry, I am not bitter, I am just hurt. It is like I feel in my Spirit that I am back to square one. I do trust the Lord, that as I go through this "healing" process that I will be stronger than before, but totally reliant on him. I understand God has a Perfect Will, and human doubt can affect his outcome. I have learned that Double minded people not only affect their own lives,but people involved as well. I know that all things work together for good. I trust my God and my Savior, and I know he is faithful. He can and will bring life again. I am settled in my Spirit to retreat for awhile. I am going to rest in HIM, know that he will show me the door as the time comes. I am at a place like mothers who have lost babies, I am not sure I want to try again soon. That may change, but I am at peace to lean on him.
The journey hands us some hard blows, but surrendering involves handing it all over...the pain, the tears, and the dreams. My prayer to the Lord is that I will be perfect in his sight, and that I am pleasing to him. I can grieve anyway I want to in his presence with no strings attached. Thank him for his realness, and his LOVE, and I have a place to turn. I can run into his arms, and rest.
I had to get away last night, just me and God, and I drove for over 2 hours while listening (on repeat) to the song "The more I seek you" by Kari Jobe. I just wanted to be with the one who understands me and whom I can really be myself around. I just really meditated on him, and really didn't have much to say. My tears said it all. I kept saying "I should be handling this better, and I am tougher than this." I began to just allow myself to grieve with no one around to tell me how to do it.
I began to ask the Lord, "Why does this hurt so badly, Lord...I was under the complete understanding that your WILL would be done, and I am okay because you are all knowing." I have faith in him completely, but I still had this great pain in the depths of my soul. As I began to pour out my heart, he began to show me in terms that I can really understand...he related to me as a woman.
He began to show it to me like this:
This whole "youth pastor" journey was a parallel to something being conceived in the spiritual realm, just like when a woman becomes pregnant with a baby in the physical realm. Imagine finding out that something you have been praying for over 8 years has happened, finally a Positive sign that life as been created. After you get the positive test, you begin celebrating the news by calling friends and family. They can't really gauge the overflowing joy because they weren't the ones in battle for years, they didn't spend the hours in the prayer closet petitioning the Lord, and most of all they aren't you.
You go along carrying the glow about you that God heard your prayers (and you knew it before it happened), you begin thinking of names, planning the room, discussing activities with your partner. Then unexpectedly, something terrible goes wrong, your "body" begins to let you know things aren't as they seem. You go to the doctor and you hear the dreaded news, "This baby is no longer alive, I am sorry." It is like a jab to innermost part of your soul, you begin to sob, because you had already made connections with this child. The death of a dream, the death of something you carried so deeply already, and God only understands the depth of it.
You then have to retreat, and tell family in friends to whom you celebrated with that the "baby" is dead." The family and friends try to offer some consolation, but sometimes their words hurt worse than help..."Well, it wasn't meant to be"....."God has a plan, and this was not part of it"...."There will be another baby one day"....Yes, all the above is true, but you say let me grieve this life first. I need to grieve the death of "this" dream.
This is what God showed me, and he has given me the okay to grieve this. I needed that time with him last night. I have come to the conclusion that he is the only true one who understands me, and I have learned through all of this that at times, it will only be me and him. I am at peace with that. I am not grieving this situation because "I did not get my way", I am grieving because I had conceived this, I had taken ownership of this, and I was ready to drop everything here, go work for his kingdom with a 100% effort, and finally do what I have been praying for.
I am not angry, I am not bitter, I am just hurt. It is like I feel in my Spirit that I am back to square one. I do trust the Lord, that as I go through this "healing" process that I will be stronger than before, but totally reliant on him. I understand God has a Perfect Will, and human doubt can affect his outcome. I have learned that Double minded people not only affect their own lives,but people involved as well. I know that all things work together for good. I trust my God and my Savior, and I know he is faithful. He can and will bring life again. I am settled in my Spirit to retreat for awhile. I am going to rest in HIM, know that he will show me the door as the time comes. I am at a place like mothers who have lost babies, I am not sure I want to try again soon. That may change, but I am at peace to lean on him.
The journey hands us some hard blows, but surrendering involves handing it all over...the pain, the tears, and the dreams. My prayer to the Lord is that I will be perfect in his sight, and that I am pleasing to him. I can grieve anyway I want to in his presence with no strings attached. Thank him for his realness, and his LOVE, and I have a place to turn. I can run into his arms, and rest.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Determination is required............
Along the road (journey) to Surrender the armor of the Lord should be worn, but without determination it is in vain. A warrior must stand firm in the presence of the Lord, and on his promises. The battle is not conquered by the weak, but by the ones who are determined to finish the battle. A warrior will finish the battle with wounds and scars, but will have finished. We have to push through the things of this world to take hold of our "promise" or "destiny", and fight for what is rightfully ours. It can only be fought through the Lord Jesus Christ, and none on our own. It is a complete surrender...
Many times during the battle we are only given a partial picture of the strategy, and are given the command to move one point at a time. We are rarely, if ever, given the entire strategy plan. God gives us what we need as we need it. It is a test of our faith, we in the flesh would run ahead, and make our own strategies. If we saw the whole plan, we would find some way to alter it or make it our own. We need to be so determined within our Spirit to go the whole distance, that we WILL finish. It must become our mission to please God and remain in step with him along the way.
We need to be so determined in our Spirit, that no matter the outcome, we will serve him. We will have defeats and victories. The journey to be completely surrendered has a cost. The cost will be our own will and visions for our lives. It is a complete dying to anything we would desire to be or do, and it is when we melt into one with the Lord that we become what we were meant to be. The war goes on within ourselves between the Spirit and carnal man, and it has been that way since the "fall" of man. That is why in the word he tells us that we must take up our cross daily...it is an every second, every minute, every hour, and every day surrender. This is the place where God would have us to be....so we can move forward in the fight under his direction and hand.
We must exercise our faith in the Lord. We are given tests along the way, to test our faith in him. We pray for things, and are tested.....Are you serving me for me or what I can do for you? We are to serve the Lord with such confidence with the mentality that "Lord, you have done it all, and I owe it all to you." We must stand firm, and be determined to serve him regardless of the outcome, as disappointing as it may be. WE must stand the test, and keep moving forward.
As a warrior, we must remain in top Spiritual shape. We must be completely conditioned in prayer and his Word. Around every corner there is an enemy that would want nothing more than to abort the plan for our lives. WE must be on guard and aware of the schemes....which are not very intelligent, and are the same ones being executed since the beginning of time. We must be ready to fight, and continue to do so. WE are just given enough light for the step we are on.!!!! Step as he steps...
The journey to complete surrender is not one that will be without battles. As long as we live in the flesh we will have to contend for the Faith, but it is not impossible. A true warrior knows the battle plan as it is given, and acts upon it with confidence. WE serve a mighty God who wants to be more than just a Captain in the battle, but wants to know his soldiers individually on an intimate level. He desires for us to be so engrossed in him, that we know his lowest whisper.
Fighting brings our own inner strengths to the surface we never knew we possessed.. Only when tested, we find out our strength. When we are pushed to the point that we aren't able to stand, is when we really find out how strong we really are. We learn that our strength comes from the Lord, and only through him are we truly able to fight. It is never within ourselves that we have the strength.
Let's BE DETERMINED to fight until the end, and achieve all God has for us. IT was never promised that it would be easy, but we can and WILL finish if we set our minds and strength to do so through him. . The greatest strength we can possess as warriors is the ability to surrender it ALL, for the sake of the Kingdom....The battle is his and only his.....We can do it through the power of his might and Spirit.......and be a true WARRIOR.
Many times during the battle we are only given a partial picture of the strategy, and are given the command to move one point at a time. We are rarely, if ever, given the entire strategy plan. God gives us what we need as we need it. It is a test of our faith, we in the flesh would run ahead, and make our own strategies. If we saw the whole plan, we would find some way to alter it or make it our own. We need to be so determined within our Spirit to go the whole distance, that we WILL finish. It must become our mission to please God and remain in step with him along the way.
We need to be so determined in our Spirit, that no matter the outcome, we will serve him. We will have defeats and victories. The journey to be completely surrendered has a cost. The cost will be our own will and visions for our lives. It is a complete dying to anything we would desire to be or do, and it is when we melt into one with the Lord that we become what we were meant to be. The war goes on within ourselves between the Spirit and carnal man, and it has been that way since the "fall" of man. That is why in the word he tells us that we must take up our cross daily...it is an every second, every minute, every hour, and every day surrender. This is the place where God would have us to be....so we can move forward in the fight under his direction and hand.
We must exercise our faith in the Lord. We are given tests along the way, to test our faith in him. We pray for things, and are tested.....Are you serving me for me or what I can do for you? We are to serve the Lord with such confidence with the mentality that "Lord, you have done it all, and I owe it all to you." We must stand firm, and be determined to serve him regardless of the outcome, as disappointing as it may be. WE must stand the test, and keep moving forward.
As a warrior, we must remain in top Spiritual shape. We must be completely conditioned in prayer and his Word. Around every corner there is an enemy that would want nothing more than to abort the plan for our lives. WE must be on guard and aware of the schemes....which are not very intelligent, and are the same ones being executed since the beginning of time. We must be ready to fight, and continue to do so. WE are just given enough light for the step we are on.!!!! Step as he steps...
The journey to complete surrender is not one that will be without battles. As long as we live in the flesh we will have to contend for the Faith, but it is not impossible. A true warrior knows the battle plan as it is given, and acts upon it with confidence. WE serve a mighty God who wants to be more than just a Captain in the battle, but wants to know his soldiers individually on an intimate level. He desires for us to be so engrossed in him, that we know his lowest whisper.
Fighting brings our own inner strengths to the surface we never knew we possessed.. Only when tested, we find out our strength. When we are pushed to the point that we aren't able to stand, is when we really find out how strong we really are. We learn that our strength comes from the Lord, and only through him are we truly able to fight. It is never within ourselves that we have the strength.
Let's BE DETERMINED to fight until the end, and achieve all God has for us. IT was never promised that it would be easy, but we can and WILL finish if we set our minds and strength to do so through him. . The greatest strength we can possess as warriors is the ability to surrender it ALL, for the sake of the Kingdom....The battle is his and only his.....We can do it through the power of his might and Spirit.......and be a true WARRIOR.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Entering the Battlefield.....
As I lay in prayer last night, the Lord began to speak into my Spirit something so profound. Many times when we are called in to the "ministry", we often think we have arrived, but in all actuality the battle has just begun ( everyone is called to minister). It is an enlistment, not by choice, but by command. We are drafted into the work of the Lord, and we must clothe ourselves with his protection and Spirit. Of Course, we can try to run from the call of God, but disobedience can prove to have greater consequences. Each one that comes to the Lord has a destiny to fulfill, and a path to walk.
In this day and time more than ever we need to know who our God is, and what his commandments are. We must be so familiar with his voice and his characteristics that it can't be mistaken for anything else. We must put on the full armor of the Lord, and get and be ready to fight. We must push through, and keep moving because there is an enemy that seeks to destroy. We must be aware, and always on guard...NEVER COMPLACENT...
Complacency is the state of the church world today. We're sitting around peacefully like there is not a care in the world, but the enemy is just a few yards away waiting to pounce. We are being rocked like a baby, and unaware of the war raging on around us. WE must stand and fight, and the only way to do this is, put on the whole armor and GO....
We must wage war on compromise and sin. WE must stand firm on the word of the Lord. WE must be a church of ACTION. The best way to war against this age is to profess the word of the Lord and become as one with our Savior.....Hide in him, Know who his is. .....
Ephesians 6:10-18 (NIV)
10. Finally be strongin the Lord and in his mighty power. 11. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand 14. STAND FIRM then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15. and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16. IN addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests with this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
WE MUST put ON the full armor....It is like getting dressed for war. It is an action to be taken, if we are going to have revival within ourselves and then the church...PRAY..PUT ON THE ARMOR...AND GUARD....AND HAVE FAITH..OUR GOD IS ALIVE.....
In this day and time more than ever we need to know who our God is, and what his commandments are. We must be so familiar with his voice and his characteristics that it can't be mistaken for anything else. We must put on the full armor of the Lord, and get and be ready to fight. We must push through, and keep moving because there is an enemy that seeks to destroy. We must be aware, and always on guard...NEVER COMPLACENT...
Complacency is the state of the church world today. We're sitting around peacefully like there is not a care in the world, but the enemy is just a few yards away waiting to pounce. We are being rocked like a baby, and unaware of the war raging on around us. WE must stand and fight, and the only way to do this is, put on the whole armor and GO....
We must wage war on compromise and sin. WE must stand firm on the word of the Lord. WE must be a church of ACTION. The best way to war against this age is to profess the word of the Lord and become as one with our Savior.....Hide in him, Know who his is. .....
Ephesians 6:10-18 (NIV)
10. Finally be strongin the Lord and in his mighty power. 11. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand 14. STAND FIRM then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15. and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16. IN addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests with this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
WE MUST put ON the full armor....It is like getting dressed for war. It is an action to be taken, if we are going to have revival within ourselves and then the church...PRAY..PUT ON THE ARMOR...AND GUARD....AND HAVE FAITH..OUR GOD IS ALIVE.....
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