The Big Move

THE ROAD TO SURRENDER 

HAS MOVED TO...

www.walls2wings.com

A New Year!!!

It has definitely been awhile. It has been a busy month for sure, or should I say month and a half. It is such a mad dash from November to January, but I love the Holiday season. I do know that I need to be more prepared for next year. I want to enjoy the Christmas season without having to rush around everywhere, trying to find everything. We usually start shopping Thanksgiving Day, and then are usually done by the first of December. We were NOT at all that organized this year. I would love to start my shopping in October, and be DONE!!! by Thanksgiving. We will see how that goes...LOL.
Anyway, we had a wonderful white Christmas, and it was such a blessing. Since I was a child, I have never stayed in one place at Christmas, and when I had kids they have always been hauled around everywhere. To take some of the burden of Christmas Day off of us, we go to my Dad's house Christmas Eve. We have a nice dinner, and just spend time together as a family. We usually wake up Christmas Morning, and open presents with just the 4 of us. After the presents, by lunch time we have company come over or we go to hubby's family's house for Christmas. After that, we go to have Christmas with my sisters. Since our mother passed away in 2001, we still get together, and eat sausage balls, open gifts, and just spend time together.
A lot of things are changing in the Gibson household. I have registered to go back to school this semester, after 8 years of being out. I have my Associates in Nursing, but I am pursuing my Bachelor's degree and my hopes are to go onto to Nurse Practitioner School. I have found that a lot of times while serving the Lord, that when you pray to follow his will and way for your life, he gives nudges in the direction you are to go. Ministry is defined as reaching ones for Christ, no matter what profession. I love being a nurse, and I love the puzzle of medicine. I cannot wait to be able to see patients, and help them manage their health. I have definitely been given the gift of compassion, and no greater way to use it, than to serve people.
I am still holding onto a promise the Lord has given to me regarding a special prayer I have had, regarding our children. I am not at liberty to divulge just yet, but I surely will when it is time. I will be shouting from the rooftops. I know that God's hand is in this, and I have to hang onto his promise. There are times that my flesh wants to push it aside, but I have been given confirmation after confirmation. I am just ready to see the physical manifestation of the promise. I have faith that it will all work out, and I know God would never lie to us....God never leads us, to drop us. As, I was praying regarding this matter....and thanked God for thinking of us...etc. That still small voice spoke so frankly.."It is not because of you, I am doing this, this has been my plan all along."..Wow, whew what a way to humble a person...LOL. I did not take it that way at all. What the Lord meant was I cannot prevent this from happening, that if something was set motion before there was time...It CANNOT BE STOPPED...I have absolutely nothing to do with it, and that his Grace is sufficient or his unearned favor is enough....that is what it means. What a mighty God I serve that even through my imperfections, and my mess ups...He will still carry on with his plan as it blesses our family. It leaves me speechless..(if you know me, that is very uncharacteristic). My mind cannot fathom the magnitude of how this is going to change the dynamics of our family. I was in deep prayer concerning this "secret". I began thanking the Lord for his promises, and I was just in awe of his faithfulness. The Lord let me know that because I have chosen him and have chosen to obey him (even when it was near impossible to do so), that my seed will be abundantly blessed. There have been times in our lives that I have come to crossroads of decision, and they were very critical ones. I have done my very best to do what God has told me to do, and he began to show me that every time I choose obedience, it is taking me one step closer to his promises and blessings. It isn't that I am earning them with each step, but they have been and are there all along. My obedience is the key that unlocks the promise because obedience is better than sacrifice. It pleases God to see a heart that loves him and strives to be in the center of his will. I am not trying to be self righteous at all because it is a daily task to stay on path. If someone asked me what my number one prayer would be concerning my life, it would be that my son and daughter would be so richly blessed of the Lord in everything they do, and that they would become a mighty man and woman of greatness for him. That is my heart's desire!!!! I know that God is faithful, and I cannot wait to be able to share this testimony with you!!!

Master of Distraction!!!

Life has been extra busy lately!! Just so much on my plate...so much to think about...so many decisions to make...kids...kid's sports...church...working full time...housework....husband...pug....Sometimes I feel like I am in a complete whirlwind. I think, at times, when it get likes this we completely lose touch with who we are and who we are suppose to be.

By this, I mean, we lose our complete purpose of being on this earth. Our complete purpose is to bring Glory to God, and to be his hands and voices extended. The Lord began to show me over the last week, just how the enemy works against us. I have been heavily involved with making the right decision for Trenton regarding middle school. I have really spent a lot of time in prayer seeking the Lord regarding this. I know he is beginning one of many major life transitions, and it cannot be taken lightly. The Lord has given me answers and promises during my prayer time, and has assured me that his way is right and I am to follow as he leads. Okay. The Lord spoke it, it is a done deal...YES!!...not so easy. It has been a real faith battle...I mean I live in the flesh, and everything he has spoken has been in the Spirit realm. I believe everything he says..I mean everything. It doesn't make the fighting the flesh any easier.

This is what the Lord has shown me.....He never changes, His word never changes, His promises never changes, He is and always will be truth...Nothing changes that. So if God never changes, what changes?? US!!!!!! The enemy does not want us to obtain anything the Lord has for us in our lives because if we did, the Lord would get all of the glory, and therefore would change hearts and lives of the people around us!! His tactics are to keep us so tied in knots that we cannot see past our own face. He keeps us so inward focused that we have no time to see past our own situations. I mean, the situations that have already been tagged, A Promise. So if God promises us something, then the right thing to do would be to accept it...and move on. Easy? Nope. If we are not careful we let the little weapon the enemy calls doubt creep in. In such a subtle way we try to figure out how God will do it, When, Where, What, etc. So in the midst of the doubt, there are many missed opportunities to minister outside of ourselves. He keeps us toiling and wondering. Hey! If God promises something, he is always good on his word. The very one who created truth, spoke it. WOW! I am so glad the Lord loves me enough to call me on my flaws, and is loving enough to teach me. Why?

You see, here is the whole situation. I work in a school setting, and I will admit I have spent many days full of anxiety and worry about my children's future. What God began to show me is he has promises for them that he has revealed to me, yet I was still toiling. That was the tactic of the enemy. If he kept me busy worrying about my own life, then I was letting the opportunities pass me by to be Christ to the world that I work in. I mean, opportunities to minister to children who have no one to encourage them, tell them they are worth something, to help them through tragedies of life, to pat them on the back and smile, to meet whatever need they have at that moment, as the Lord leads. SOOO I have determined in myself to push the promises of God, for my own family, into a place in my heart called...ACCEPTANCE...taking God at his word, and counting it DONE. Kind of like a folder in a filing cabinet...Just waiting on the date to arrive to put it in the DONE box, after it manifests physically.

It has been such a freeing experience. I am not going to sit here and say it is going to easy, but I am glad the Lord revealed to me what was truly going on. It is up to me to keep the filing cabinet closed, and my heart open to others around me. God is a God of his word, and he will not lie.



Numbers 23:19

God is not a man, that he should lie,

Nor a son of man, that he should repent,

Has he said, will he not do?

Or has he spoken, and will not make it good?



Pretty much sums it up...God is NOT a man, so he doesn't lie...Lying is not in him....He is not a son of man...he doesn't need to repent...So if he speaks it, he will do it...and if he has spoken...he will make good on it!!! He is Good!! He is Truth!! Therefore, he doesn't waver from his word or his character!! Yay!!! So glad he loves me so!!

Catch up time!!

Gosh, I can't believe it has been almost 2 months since I posted. I have had so much going on lately. It has definitely been a transition year, for sure. Trenton is in 5th grade, and Sarah is in 2nd. Trenton has had to really push himself this year, and well, I have been behind him pushing..lol. I have seen a glimpse of the "tween" years, and it is very "nice". I cannot believe he will be in middle school next year. I look at his face, and see that little round faced toddler who absolutely adored his Mommy. I hate it because as he gets older, I have to make sure he is going in the right direction. In that process, he becomes frustrated because he feels I don't understand him or I am against him. (Yes, this starts as early as 10). He is like an old man, trapped in a 10 year old's body. He understands and grasps so much, but doesn't quite know how to implement it. He has so much potential, and as his mother, I see so much. I have been assigned by the Lord to be the vehicle to drive him to his destiny. I can't do it for him, but my assignment is to do everything I can to equip him. I think, on somedays, it is much easier to slack. When I am sitting at the table for hours making sure his homework is done with "excellence", and not half-way, and I become weary at his lack of interest, it is at those times....I wonder, is this really going to pay off? I don't know why I second guess myself, or the Lord for that matter. If he has given me a mission, then he will equip me to complete it. The Lord is so faithful, and I know now why the Lord has given us kids. They are the instrument the Lord uses to drive us to our knees. Sarah is our 7 year old, and she is in 2nd grade. She is still in the innocent years, and I am enjoying it while it lasts. I pray for her daily that she will be used mightily for the Lord, as I do for Trenton.
I spent many years wondering what great "call" does the Lord have for me....Well, I may not be great at anything, but I do know that I will be the mother of Trenton and Sarah.

Just keeping swimming, just keep swimming!!!

I have often been reminded of the saying out of the Disney movie Finding Nemo....as Dori was trying to encourage Nemo's dad...keep going...Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Their ultimate goal was to get to Nemo, and whatever it took they were going to find him. The Lord opened this up in my Spirit. He lays promises ahead, and lets us know they are ours. We must keep focused, and keep pushing forward until we reach our destination . Just because God has given us a promise doesn't mean there won't be opposition. ON the contrary, it will be even more difficult because the enemy of our soul does NOT want us to obtain anything from the Lord, especially his perfect will.

I have something that the LORD promised to us, and is leading us to. I have not been prepared for the winds and storms that have tried to come against us. If anything, the Lord has taught me that anything worth having has to be contended for. I often thought, if the Lord promises this to us then it is easy breezy...LOL. I have learned otherwise. He is teaching me to be a warrior, he is teaching me to be like a linebacker...to push until my opponent is on the ground!!! I must not back up one inch or believe anything against what the Lord has promised. It takes a conscientious effort to be on guard at all times. I must be vigilant because the enemy seeks to steal our blessing, kill our spirit, and destroy anything the Lord has for us. It must be a constant mission to be on guard and stay focused on the prize which is set before us.

Hello Blog World....It has been a month!!

It has been a crazy crazy month with trying to get back into the routine of school, work, and sports. It has definitely been a roller coaster ride to say the least. Trenton started 5th grade, and Sarah started 2nd. Trenton has lots and lots of work to do. It is really a busy year for him, and he is trying to make straight A's. I am so proud of both of them, and could NOT ask for better kids. We have our moments, but God has truly truly blessed us.

As I look at Trenton, I see a young man evolving. A young man that has to remind his mother that HE can DO stuff on his own, and he has is on way of doing stuff. OOOPPSS!!! I am learning slowly to let him find out things on his own. (Nothing major, just little things that I try to control). God has us on a unique journey that I am not at liberty to share, but it is a faith walk. I am learning to surrender Trenton and Sarah to him. I have been led to read the book "The Power of a Praying Parent", and it has been pivitol in my life. God has taught me that I don't have to handle everything concerning my kids, but he is the great "I AM" and he can intervene in any situation. I am trusting that when Trenton has a hard time completing his assignments on a particular day that the Lord will help him complete them. We believe the Lord for his miraculous work, and we are seeing his hand in all of our life situations.

God has really been at work, and he has given me confirmation after confirmation. I know the enemy would want nothing more than to distract me. I was pondering on something the other day, and I felt this rise in my Spirit. FEAR is the mangifying glass of a little speckle of doubt. God is greater than anything, and if he speaks....It is done and completed. Why do I still have trouble accepting what God promises? I dont' doubt him or his word, but I think I wrestle with the whole idea of him doing something for me. I mean, He gave the ultimate gift of his son. I am learning to accept his gifts.

There have been many times lately where Lloyd and I have been in complete awe of his mercy, kindness, and favor. I have been in prayer, and saw a vision of a present being handed in my direction. It was the most beautifully wrapped present. The Lord spoke to me and said "Are you going to accept my gift". He was referring to a situation that he has been leading us to. All I know, is he is doing the driving. I am not(although, I do) to try to figure out how he is going to do it, he just is. I find myself, trying to rationalize his ways, and how I think he is going to work it out. I have to remind myself....HE IS GOD!!!! and all he has to do is speak....Isn't that what he did with the world?...HE spoke it into existence. So I am learning not to put God on a human level, and the things he does are things that I won't be able to fathom. Okay, so I am learning to just say....You said, YOu will do it...and leave it at that. I can no longer step into the world of figuring it out and wonder how and when. LOL...So I am learning, Lord, I am learning. I have taken great strides in trusting him. I use to worry, fret, and try to do it all on my own. I tried to figure out a way. When the "I want to figure this out" tries to enter my mind, I discount it, and just hand it over to the Lord....It is such a daily and sometimes hourly thing. I don't want control over my life...I want him to have it. I just have to continually submit my will to the LORD, and that is not always an easy task..

It will drive you to your knees...

The "it" I am implying is MOTHERHOOD. As I held my 10 year old son and 7 year old daughter last night after a rough day, it humbles me...that God would entrust me to be their mother. It was easier when they were infants. Now with my 10 year old, I am dealing with the outside influences of others. It is more of a conflict at times with him now that he is older. He can spend a whole day at daycare or school, and come home with a personality of someone else. We spent a long time last night praying with him and reading with him the word of God. It was a wake up call to us as parents that we cannot even slumber for a minute, but we must be vigilant at all times and aware of all the schemes of the enemy. He would want nothing more than to destroy the plan of God, and the promises he has for my children. I, as a parent, will NOT back down. I will stand in the strength of the Holy Spirit, and declare his schemes DEAD. My children will be the Lord's, and they will carry out his purposes. The enemy just woke a sleeping giant, and that is a MOTHER with a purpose. The Lord has given Lloyd and I these children, and if we have to lay over them every moment of every day to cover them in prayer, we will!! OUR God will protect them, and lead them into what he has for them. I proclaim..LOVE, STRENGTH, BLESSING, PROTECTION, AND PURPOSE over their lives!!! They were entrusted unto us as parents, and we GIVE them right back to the LORD!!

Many adopted children!!!

Wow, has our life changed over the last year...Lloyd and I have just became the College and Young Adult ministers at our church. It is such a priviledge and honor to be in the service for the Lord. It has finally manifested itself...finally after 10 years of preparation, prayer, and growing up!!! I am humbled at God's majesty, grace, and love. His patience with me is hard to fathom. If I were my heavenly Father, I would have grown tired....lol.
I look at the task at hand to lead this great bunch of Young Adults, and it can be overwhelming. It would be easy to just march in there, teach a little, then leave. That would accomplish nothing. My prayer to the Lord, is to set this generation ablaze for him. I don't want them to be the statistic, but the overcomers of this generation. I hope that I will not fail as a leader, but will inspire them. I know that it can only be done when I put my hand in the Lord's, and I walk with him. It is exciting and then it is overwhelming at the same time. God is faithful and what we put in we will get out. The same applies to life. If we are faithful in the little things, God will trust and add to us, but who much is given, much is required. My goal is not numbers, but depth. I know as God begins to move, it will be an obvious thing to grow, but it will be by him and in his time.
It isn't about a title or status, but is about the souls involved. It isn't a name to carry, but a burden to bear. It is made up of seasons and loaded with adventure, but most of all it is about the one who sent us...Our Lord Jesus Christ. May my motives be pure and acceptable before him, as I accept the assignment......as minister/pastor/mentor/friend.....X-pansion 4:10...here we come...with the Lord by our side..

OH my it has been awhile..but God has been at work.

I have been a bad blogger since summer began. Life has been busy busy busy. I have enjoyed every minute of it. Trenton has been to 3 camps thus far. He has been to baseball camp, basketball camp, and then Youth camp. Sarah decided she is waiting until next year to do the camp thing. I sit and look at where I was a year ago, and count every one of my blessings. A year ago this weekend I was newly pregnant with our sweet boy we lost. I could not lift my head, and if I did I was throwing up. It was such a miserable feeling to not be well. I remember feeling so helpless.

I have taken this summer and decided to create an atomosphere of joy. I have decided to do things and enjoy life with the children we do have. We have enjoyed $1.00 movie Tuesdays. It is wonderful to look on each side of me and marvel at how blessed I truly am. I can get a good look when they are all into a movie. I am so blessed beyond measure, and I will not live entrapped thinking about what I don't have. I will rejoice and be thankful for what I do.

I did host a sleepover for Sarah with all of her softball team. It was a challenge, but well worth the memories. I want my children to remember the things I did for them, not for merit, but that I did love them and would sacrifice. I want them to know that we have an open door policy, and that it is a house of love and acceptance.

We have had a little bit of sibling rivalry this summer, and I have been prayerful about how to handle this. Lloyd and I have decided to teach our children to be servants. They are siblings that should love one another and care about each others interests. I have decided to give them scripture to look up each time they are ugly to one another that correlates with the incident. There is tension in the air at times around the Gibson Household. We had an incident earlier where Sarah called Trenton a name, and in return Trenton called her a name. They spent 10 min in the corner, and I found Proverbs 15:1....A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. They read it to one another, and then apologized. Trenton then said, It still hurts that she called me that...we then looked up in Matthew, where if we want forgiveness, we must forgive others. I had him quote it, and tell her he forgives her. It isn't easy, but we knew something needs to be done. The word of God cannot be refuted, and it is sharper than any two edged sword. The enemy would want nothing more than to destroy our unity. Well, he cannot stand against the truth of the word. No longer being passive Christians, but warriors against discord. We are no longer going to be family easily defeated, but one that will stand!!!!

Where have I been, you ask???

I have been in complete summertime bliss...I love it, I love it, I love it!!! I guess I celebrate this summer a little more because I spent 3/4 of last summer in the bed. A nauseated, very sick mess. I was just finding out I was pregnant this time last year, and then the downturn began.

I have really learned to take hold of what is in front of me, cherish it and celebrate it.

I wanted to be able to create Joy and memories this summer that would overshadow the sadness of last year. I have made it a point to not take for granted what I do have....God is perfect and Holy, and even though I had a sea in front of me....God has made a way...I may have scars, but the wound is closed and healing.

A Mish Mosh of Everything!!!

Well, we have had our little Max for a week and 2 days, and he is so smart. We are making progress in our house training, but it takes the patience of JOB to get this done. We are crate training, and at night he has decided he would rather sleep than whine. BIG accomplishment. I can't wait for the day when he is trained so we can enjoy him without worrying if he is sniffing to sniff or sniffing to use the bathroom. We have to put him in his crate when we are unable to give him one on one attention, and I want him to have free roam, but he has to earn it.

Life is going well in the Gibson Household. We are busy busy busy though. Trenton continues in baseball, and is doing okay. He has struggled a little bit through this season. He is in a definate slump, and I am praying the Lord gives him strength to endure it. I don't want him to lose heart in the midst of adversity because he loves the game. Sarah is doing good through her first season of ever playing softball. I have made some really neat friends through this season, for which I am thankful. I look at my life and I am so very thankful for God's amazing grace, and I do not take it for granted.

I look at where I was 6 months ago, and I have come full circle. Is my life the way I imagined it would be? In some circumstances, NO. I had always imagined I would have 3 kids and that was the end of it. I am seeing a new place in my life. I am content with life as it is right now....A little crazy, but I am content. I am learning to use up every spare minute I have to be productive. We are going to be the Gibson 4, plus a dog...lol. I am truly truly okay with that. I am able to pour into the 2 that I have. The Lord really dealt with me about how I was perceiving things. He laid it on my heart to be joyous in what I have and not seek what was dead. Dead, meaning....a dream that I had from within myself, but God has given a definite NO!!! It is not meant for us to have more children, I truly believe that. Am I feeling that way out of fear? NOPE, I just know that I am to obey the Lord's commands. It takes sacrifice, and if this is what I have to sacrifice unto the LORD, then I am giving it all to him.

Things are moving rather swiftly in my spiritual life. The Lord is absolutely removing every crutch that I have depended on, and it is pruning time. Although, it hurts, I am willing to go through it. I want my fruit to be ripe before the LORD. I want to bear ripe, righteous fruit. I want to be a sweet smelling savor in the nostrils of my heavenly Father. My hand is in his, and I am walking and following after his every command. I trust him more now than I ever have, and I will continue to do so. I look forward to the doors that are soon to be open for Lloyd and I. I know I must be obedient in order to achieve what he has for us.....Painful at times, but necessary.

Oh my Goodness!!

Whew the last few days have been a whirlwind!!! Having new puppy is so like having a baby. I have been up every 3 hrs through the night because he is still adjusting to his crate. We have not mastered going "pee" outside...so he likes to go pee anywhere, but we are trying. I don't let him down anywhere in the house because I am NOT a fan of pee or poo in my floor. It makes for a very long and tedious day. I do work full time, so I am going home as soon as I can to get him out of his crate, and we try to let him stay out the rest of the day unless I cannot watch him. He is sneaky and will pee in an instant..lol. He is such a ball of personality trying to figure out the world. Having a new life in our presence is such a gift. I don't forsee me going crazy and thinking he is a human, but we all love him so much already.
My husband has really really surprised me. He has been so anti-dog...NO NO NO was his answer, but you should see him now. ha ha. It is funny to see him loving on something he never wanted. It really hurt when we had to put our pomeranian, Katelyn, down March 1st. Our house had a nice break, but it felt lonely in a sense. Now we have all the dog we can handle. Oh well, It is just nice to have something "happy" for a change. I find joy in the Lord, and his presence is with me always. I thank him for his creatures that he created, and we promise him we will take good care of Max.
I often feel like our kids need to learn how to care for animals, it gives them responsibility....Right now, though...Max is all mine.. 10pm, 2am, 5am, and afternoon crate clean up....LOL.. It is fun and we have busier days ahead. We have tried to socialize him. I took him to Trenton's class yesterday, and they were all so gentle with him. I didn't let any of the kids hold him, but they were petting his back. We also took him to Trenton's game the other night...He just sat in my lap and slept.

WE have offically added to our family......

Meet Max an 11 week old PUG. We went today to pick him up as a surprise for our kids, and I really believe now, it is more for me..lol. He is full of personality, and is precious. I know we have many challenging days ahead concerning crate training, but we will master it with patience and perseverance....which I know a little bit about.

Makes a mother proud!!!

I have to say yesterday was one of the greatest moments to witness thus far in my son, Trenton's, life. He was baptized last night in our evening service. I am proud of him because he made this decision on his own. I didn't even know he signed up to be baptized until a day later. We did see the announcement that the church was having a baptizing, and I did mention to him that if he was ready it was okay. I never said another word about it.

I believe, I can do so much for my children, but it stops at the cross. What I mean by this, is I cannot have salvation for him. I can lead him to the cross, pray for him, and be the example, but I cannot do it for him. Trenton has always been the type child that can understand "deep" things. He has always been the "little adult" in most areas of his life. Sometimes him knowing so much is NOT an asset.
I get a little nostalgic when these events happen. I can remember being married only a few short months, but my heart wanted a baby. I prayed, prayed, and prayed for a baby (Lloyd was not ready at all). I remember one day in prayer, the Lord spoke to me, He said "You are going to have a baby, it is going to be a boy, and he will be fine". I thought he meant that month, but boy was I surprised. It was 11 months later when I found out I was pregnant. I can remember the tears of joy that I had. I was the ripe old age of 20..lol. I had a lot of dreams, but not a lot of life experience. I can remember the day he was born, and really not knowing what to do with this crying child. I can remember the frustration and being overwhelmed at being a new mother.

Trenton has always been my child with a mind of his own. If I say black it is white to him. I think this quality can be good and bad. There is such a sweet side to him, he is very compassionate and thoughtful. The one thing lately that has really touched my heart, is that he has taken an interest in a little 4 year old boy who is being raised by his mother. His big sister is on my daughter's team, and Trenton has taken such an interest in being there for him. The other day I saw Trenton (10) giving this little guy a horsey back ride through the sand box, and it touched my heart to know that he would be interested in making sure that he was taken care of. A few days later, the little boy had a scrimmage game, and his mom came to our ballfield to have me look at what Trenton was doing. Trenton was out on the field with his little friend, during the game, showing him how to run the bases and catch the ball. His mom was very apologetic, and I was like NO, dont be. My heart bubbled with joy because my son knows what it means to be involved. It is the cutest thing to see, wherever Trenton is the little boy follows. Trenton told me that one of his friends asked him to take his little friend to his mother so they could play, and Trenton told him NO, that he has gotten him a snack, and he can sit right there with them. ( I hated in this paragraph using "little boy" because he is more than just a little boy, but for privacy reasons and the internet I used it as a generic term")
When we have our days, and Trenton likes to talk over me, and voice "his" opinion. He may do that and we may butt heads, but he is still a very precious and intelligent child that God has a huge plan for. I pray everyday for God to protect them, and take them to the place he would have them to GO.. Yay for my first born.

My little Sarah, is my 6 year old ray of sunshine. She has also been pure Joy since she was born. She knows what she wants and is settled into herself to go get it. She has a sweet spirit, but is very competitive. It is so funny to watch her on the ballfield. She gets mad at herself if she misses a ball, and if she strikes out you can see the frustration. We never have to say anything to her because she coaches herself. I have never seen a girl be so secure in herself,not over confident, but just comfortable in her own skin. I hope to the Lord she will be that way in puberty, but we will take this one day at a time. I am proud of her because she is on our expressive worship team at church, and is doing so well. She understands the importance of loving the Lord, and ministering for his glory.

My prayer is one of Thanksgiving to the Lord for allowing me to be a mother of 2 precious children. I no longer look to what I don't have, but to what I do

So He develops me in the Dark???

I just Love how God works in his way. I have to say that I feel so blessed to be apart of our church. During Wednesday Bible Study our precious Pastor's wife taught on Elijah, the praying prophet. It was an awesome lesson. She was bringing out the point that Elijah did exactly what God told him..He made a proclamation to the King, that there would be no rain. After he was obedient, the Lord led him to solitude to be fed by the brook by a raven. After awhile, the brook dried up. You know, she really brought out that even when we are completely obedient, we can be led into times of darkness. What I mean, we are led through trials...and it is in these times that God develops us.
I have had a really heavy heart the past couple of days, and I hold onto these truths. I am doing it again, I am wearing my mask. If only people could see my heart, it is BROKEN. I miss my baby, and I want to hold him. I think about him everyday, and I want to know him. I know I can't change it, and I know all things happen for a reason. I just decided to take my mask off for awhile and be real. I think my triggers this time are, there are several people who were just a few weeks behind me in pregnancy...Well, they have had their babies...NO PROBLEMS...healthy precious gifts. I am not at all envious, but my heart aches for my baby, my son. I have made Selah's song "Unredeemed",my official song. I know God loves me, and he has me in his arms..He knows my pain, and will make all things new. I know this, but walking through the pain is necessary in this life. I am not stopping, just walking.
Lloyd and I are on the horizon of something wonderful at our church. New beginnings are around the corner...I will take what life has handed me, put it in my backpack, and continue marching on..marching on this journey of faith....What the enemy intended for evil...God will make good...it will be used for his glory...I hold to that...I place it inside my heart..to know I serve a faithful father is all I need to know. I have a Father that walks with me when I hide my tears, my tears of pain...I may wipe them away to hide, but he sees them all. He loves me with an unending love!!!! I am being developed, in the dark..:)

God's power is amazing!!!

It has been an overwhelming week in many ways, but God's power is amazing. My husband and I are involved in a wonderful church, and we finally feel settled. We were involved in a life or death drama Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and then again on Sunday night called "Choices". We had a packed house everynight, and had a total of 114 people come to know the Lord. It is such an overwhelming feeling to think we had a hand in such an awesome evangelistic movement.
I have learned from the Lord to take seasons as they come, and enjoy every moment. In the middle of us doing the drama, our son had to be on the ballfield. I also learned to let go of some control, and allow someone else to take him to the games (this was a challenge for me). I was pleasantly surprised, we all survived, and I am still considered a good mom to my son..lol. I have got to learn that things are going to happen, and I cannot do it all...and be all to everyone. I am so proud of my kids. They were put to bed late every night last week, and still managed to make great grades. This time of year always presents challenges for ones who like routine. The laundry is overflowing, and even if it is clean, everyone picks their clothes out for the next day out of a basket.
I struggle with such simple things, but next to eternity they are nothing. Nothing compares to 114 souls being led to the Lord. I am learning to take everything in stride, and the path we think is going one way to us, is a total different direction to the Lord. I am learning, slowly, but surely, I am learning. Thanking God for his amazing grace!!!

A Simple Reminder...

Why is it so hard to hold onto God's promises. I mean he speaks them, right? When he speaks them he means them. We must remind ourself that our Father in Heaven is not a liar that when he speaks, he speaks with all certainity. I am writing this as a reminder to MYSELF. The Lord has dropped several promises into my heart this week, and I have got to quit analyzing everything, and just accept it!!! So there, I am accepting it. I often times have to pray to the Lord, and ask him to help my unbelief. I believe for things for everyone else, but when it comes to me...I struggle. I am like, who me?? He is trying to teach me to walk in his favor and accept what he has for us....SO I am going to do just that.

Faith to move Mountains

Just because we have accepted Christ doesn't mean we have it in the bag. So many times I think we forget who we really are, and who's we are. I have to admit I struggle with things. I have to really seek the Lord because I like to know answers immediately. I am so guilty of trying to work things out on my own. I have a greater struggle now because the enemy would want nothing more than to destroy me in my mind. The season we have been through has been a tough one. It has come to a point at times, I think if I hope for anything it won't happen because I have been abandoned.
I have to rebuke that because the word says He will never leave me or forsake me. I know he won't, but why do we doubt it. Lloyd and I have many decisions to make over the next year concerning our children, ministry, etc. I have to admit I have let things consume me, and that is exactly what the enemy would want me to do. He wants me to be consumed with things that are beyond my control, so that I will be distracted from the Lord's work. Step one is to recognize this...and I have. My next step is repentance...I am not pleasing the Lord by doubting that the creator of all things will take care of it all. I have to literally in the Spirit crawl on my hands and knees and lay at the altar before him and repent due to my unbelief. Whew I am so humbled at that point. Why do I ever doubt him? I have to take him at his word, and if he has dropped promises in my heart then he will fulfill them. So at this Point, I am at, yet again, another Surrendering point. I told you it is a journey, a road, to surrender. So rewarding, So awesome, if we let him do all of the technical stuff...and we do his "stuff", we preach the gospel, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and seek him above all else. He will add to us, when we are Sold out to him. We can take him at his word...He is not one that will lie. He is our one true advocate!! He is our Best Friend, and I know at times he becomes disappointed with us because we turn and look to other sources for our miracles and answers. It isn't too late to surrender it all. I get so tired of carrying the load, but it is so awesome because he walks up beside me and asks me to give it to him. Thank him for his marvelous muscles...What a wonderful Savior he is to carry my junk.

Morning for my Mourning

Whew has it been a season!! This week has started off pretty sad. Lloyd and I had to take our precious little dog this morning to have her put to sleep. She became violently ill on Friday night, and was unable to recover. Good grief, it is one of the hardest things I have had to do. I have said that a lot over the last year, haven't I? You know life is so full of seasons, and I am so ready for Mourning to be over.
I know My Redeemer lives, and he is concerned with every little aspect of my life.
I know we have to walk through things, but it seems as though I am reaching in the darkness, at times. I know God is right by my side, and loves and upholds me. I will not be shaken, by the tragedy of loss. I will lift up my eyes to the hills, for my help comes from the LORD. He is my provider, healer, my sword, my shield, my rock, and my fortress. I will not turn away from him, the winds may blow and the sea waves rise, but he is still my GOD!!! I know I who I am in him, and I will continue to walk in the abundance of his favor, regardless of my circumstances. I have to keep myself in that place or the enemy will try to destroy me. When I say destroy, I mean keep me in constant turmoil of doubt and brokeness. This is not directly related to losing our dog. It is the brokeness of this year, Of the "losses" we have had. I am learning a lot about myself through all of this. Some of it I like, some of it, I need to improve. God is everlasting and faithful!!! He never changes!!! He is the constant in my whirlwind, I must remain steadfast in him.
I am so ready to put off my mourning clothes, and put on my dancing clothes. I am ready to be free from sadness, and I am free. I know morning is coming, and I am getting dressed for it. I am changing clothes and stepping into new Promise. I will accept no less than God's complete best for my life. I am tired of the thief, the stealer of my joy. I am walking in new light in the name of Jesus. He is my all in all.

The Acceptance of God's will....

God has been leading me to this point for so long. I have got to learn to trust him. I do trust him, but always with a little twinge of worry. My goal is to get to the point where I trust him with NO worry. I am getting there. I am really bad about when I get something in my mind that I "obsess" about it, and I want to talk about it a lot. I feel sorry for my hubby and buddies, but Good news I am getting better. I have got to learn that if God is leading me in a certain direction, he will pave the way. The enemy steals so much of our time and mind by making us run scenarios in our head. Well, wonder if this happens, then what? What if it is all me, and God really didn't mean for it to happen? It becomes a time where we become trapped. If we are not whole heartedly placing it in God's hands, we are not trusting him. I am so preaching to myself.
There comes a time when we have to recognize that the enemy wants nothing more than to distract us with anything and everything so we will not effective for the Kingdom of God. It steals our praise, Joy, time, mood, and sleep. When I feel an "obsession" coming on, I have to pray and cast it to the Lord and pray for deliverance. The bad part is when we do not recognize it....and it becomes the source of all of our energy. We must learn to walk in his footsteps, and constantly hand it over. Being able to move past situations as we hand it over, is a great step in the right direction to complete victory and freedom in the Lord.